The Wonderful Wizards of Oz
So here’s the brief diary I kept of our 3 weeks in Hong Kong and Oz:
Friday 13th October
JP nearly got bumped off the flight to Hong Kong! (We were soon to learn that JP isn’t lucky when it comes to checking in, security and quarantine!) We checked in mega-early, so much so that they weren’t ready to take the luggage for our flight, so we must have been one of the first there. Manda & I had booked together and pre-booked our seats, but JP hadn’t. He was told that he couldn’t be allocated a seat, let alone have one next to us, because the flight was over booked! We found this highly unreasonable, seeing as we were the first there, but we kept our cool and gently persuaded the check-in woman that JP would be travelling with us then to HK rather than the day after! Phew - he had a seat, but not with us.
We settled down and had dinner in 'Est Est Est', courtesy of Uncle Mick, which in itself was great, but made even better by the fact that the waiter gave us the wrong bill and we paid £13 less than we should have! The laughter started here, with discussions on what we’d like to do on our trip. There were shouts of ‘I wanna go to Perth!’ (Manda) ‘I wanna see Penguins!’ (Nix), ‘I’ve got a Kit-Kat in my bag…’ (JP).
By 9.50pm JP had made 4 calls to Anne (his newly promoted 'girlfriend') – we thought this was a show of things to come, but we were wrong, the pay-as you-go texts and phone calls were soon to become the bane of his life!
‘Manda missed out on a man with his pants out, tucking himself in at the Currency Exchange desk – it was shocking.
When we boarded the flight (after thinking we had hours to play with), we found that JP’s seat had been changed so he was next to us – shame he missed out on the emergency exit seat that he’d previously been allocated!! It didn’t matter too much though, as he’d already fallen asleep by the time we hit the runway to take off!
Saturday 14th October
Congratulations to Amanda who made the flight to HK with minimal disruption to other passengers. (Thank god for the valium!)
On arrival to HK we jumped on the Airport Express train to Central station and picked up a cab to my cousin Clare’s house in Redhill Peninsula (Tai Tam). After telling the taxi driver where we needed to go, we attempted to settle back and take in the sights of HK by night, but an interesting conversation followed…..
Taxi driver to JP: Taiwan?
JP: Er no mate, we’re from England.
Taxi driver: (more incomprehendable chatter including)…Taiwan?.... Aberdeen?
JP (now ultimately confused): No, we’re from London, England…
Silence…. Confusion (do we look like we’re from Taiwan??)….. my brain was ticking…. And slowly it became clear…..
NH: Oh, do we want to go through the Aberdeen tunnel to get to Redhill??? Yes! Yes, please!!
Very funny. Probably had to be there to appreciate it, but hey, this blog will be full of incidents like that! Anyway, it was day later when we found that he wasn’t even asking about Taiwan, he was asking if we wanted to go via ‘Chi Wan’ (or thru the tunnel)!! Derrr!
We arrived at the Browne’s residence (very nice btw – 4 bed, 3 storey place, over looking the bay), promptly dumped our bags and headed out to Stanley for a great meal with Clare, Colin, Vicky and Jake. (Thanks very much again for that Colin).
Sunday 15th October (cloudy & hazy, 28°)
All slept like logs and ‘Manda woke at 7am on the dot! Tut!
We jumped in a cab with the intention to going up the Peak, but with the haze so bad we decided to head to the Star ferry and cross to Kowloon for the Jade market, a wander through the streets, another market and then lunch in the Peninsula Hotel (swanky!) We jumped back on the ferry to Central and headed for the Lan Kwai Fong street carnival and the pub. It was around 3.30pm, I’d had an attack of the ‘sways’ (swaying floors, buildings, any general surroundings – later found to be part of ‘jet-lag), Manda felt sick and we were all desperately flagging and in need of a doze…. So we had a pint! Warrick, Ashley, Mat, Mandy and baby Madeline came and met us in the pub, closely followed by El. 2 drinks later, JP and I slightly pissed – whoops. We all jumped back on the star ferry to see the Central illuminations. Dinner in a Vietnamese restaurant ‘Nha Trang’ – delicious. Home and tucked up in bed by 11. JP fell asleep on the 5 minute ferry trip, and in the cab home but we failed to catch him in any pictures because ‘Mand and I erupted in giggles every time she reached for the camera.
Monday 16th October (sunny am, hazy pm)
Hit the Peak. Went up in the tram, had lunch in Café Deco with amazing views over Hong Kong harbour. Jumped in a cab to take us back to Stanley for the market, only for us to be driven 10 meters before the cab stopped, the driver jumped out, apologising profusely because he needed the loo and that it was always tricky finding enough time or suitable places to stop! After starting off again, he stopped at the lights and jumped out again!! This time he was tucking in some dodgy wires around ‘Manda’s door – it was then we noticed that this man obviously rushed around doing everything in his life at 100mph, as he’d put his top on inside out as well. More giggling ensued. We were also to find that this man loved to sing and liked Tom Jones and ‘Lobbie Lilliams’!
It’s probably also a good time to note that JP had picked up the local language (OK, I mean accent) and spent most of his time imitating the Chinese, much to mine and ‘Manda’s amusement but it also made us quite scared, especially when we were confined to the small space on the plane amongst a load of them!
We skipped Stanley market and opted for snooze, dinner and shower before we headed to the airport for the over night flight to Brisbane. Amanda took a valium before boarding and then one on the plane. Unfortunately having 2 pills close together gave her a ‘speed’ effect and caused her to become a giggling nightmare – we were surprised she didn’t get kicked off the flight.
Tuesday 17th October (cloudy)
We watched the ‘Lake House’ on the plane and blubbed – it’s a good movie. I don’t think any of us had much sleep.
On arrival at Brisbane airport JP was questioned on his intentions in Oz and why he wanted to go to Fraser Island - ‘Manda and I got away with no questioning whatsoever, surprise! We were also greeted with lots of cute Beagles, otherwise known as ‘Sniff & Sit’ dogs. Basically they’re the quarantine police for food, if they think (by sniffing your bags) you’re bringing food into the country they sit next to your bag and their owner promptly questions you and searches your stuff. They were SOOOO cute. Mand and I both want a ‘Sit and Sniff’ dog now and may even call them ‘Sniff’ (Amanda’s) and ‘Sit’ (mine) but we figured that may get a little confusing for them, so we’ll have to rethink that. Anyway, JP and ‘Manda got pulled aside and searched after declaring on their forms that they hadn’t bought any food into the country. After being questioned by the guy on whether they’d packed the bags themselves and whether they knew EXACTLY what was in them, JP just stood silent – he didn’t have a clue that he had peanuts, cereal bars, etc. in his!! Oh well, as least they didn’t get arrested!
We picked up a huge Toyota Camry (that’s a car btw) and set off for Hervey Bay, with me berating myself for the whole journey because I forgot my driving licence! What a pleb. After 4 and a bit hours we rocked up in Hervey Bay and found ourselves in the Lisianna Apartments. V. basic, v.dated but v. cheap, with 2 bedrooms and clean, just what we needed at $85 (approx £40) a night! We had dinner in the local pub (they had a quiz on but we didn’t dare enter and show the locals up) and were promptly in bed by 10pm! Oh yes, and JP got pissed on 2 pints, classic!
Wednesday 18th October (sun & clouds am, sunny pm)
We slept like babies, except JP who claimed he didn’t have jetlag but woke at 2.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep! Derrrrr! We were up and out by 9am off to do whale watching. It was a great day on the boat with the whales putting on a fab display. We saw a couple of mums and calves, dolphins and even a shark.
We had a delish dinner in the Marina, and I managed to spill a whole glass of water in Amanda’s lap. It was OK though, we discovered her trousers were waterproof!
‘Flash Harry’s neon coloured butt bucket’ - The things they advertise on TV!?!? Caused a good old giggle though!
Thursday 19th October (sunny! But on a coach most of the day!)
Up and out early for a day trip to Fraser Island (the biggest natural sand island in the world). Our group of 40 hit Fraser Island via a ferry and were transferred to a massive 4 wheel drive coach. It was pretty damn cool. The highlights of my day were the trip in an 8-seater plane over the island (and the pilot!) - I sat up front, the amazing lakes and the fact that Angry Anderson (you know, the guy that sang ‘Suddenly’ for Scott & Charlene’s wedding) was in the group!! I’m easily pleased, I know… Surprisingly enough JP managed to fall asleep on the bumpiest coach ride through the sandy rainforest but we didn’t manage to get a pic cos we couldn’t hold the camera still!
I finally washed my hair after 6 days (I became known as the soap dodger cos I’d also forgotten to brush me teeth on one occasion – highly unfair!), and we headed to the ‘Black Dog’ for dinner – sushi, yum!! We had a fit of laughter on return home, as we spotted that the sign for the apartments read ‘easy access up rear stairs’ – we had JP lean over and block out the ‘stairs’ so we could take a pic, but he got distracted by the shrubbery that he was leaning across and stated ‘ this bush smells lovely!’ Hilarious! Little things… eh! We laughed, and laughed, nearly pee’d our pants.
Animals seen so far: Giant cricket, bats, dingos, cockroach, spiders, whales, shark, dolphins, sting-ray, turtles.
Friday 20th October (sun & cloud)
We handed the keys to Rigby’s wife and set off at 8am, headed for Byron Bay. We got distracted somewhat by a trip to see creepy Dave’s sister, but it wasn’t too much hassle and was probably only an hour added to our journey. We met her in the equivalent of a Bas-Vegas pub just outside Brisbane. ‘Manda fancied a cigarette so the 3 of us headed out the back to the very tiny secluded smoking part of the pub. There were about 15 of us squeezed outside, and it felt like it was about to kick off between the local yokels – it really was Bas-Vegas in disguise! We somehow got collared talking to a Kiwi farmer, who practised his chat-up lines on us, they were pretty bad but my memory is shite so you’ll have to see them on Amanda’s site! On departure from the smoking area, I had my ear tongued and my arse slapped – not bad for 5 minutes work! (actually, it was gross!)
We arrived in Byron Bay at around 6.30pm, found a motel and found some dinner in ‘Fresh’. This was then followed by some very strong vodka, lime and sodas in a pub/bar with a live band. And of course, I got chatted up by another freak who works for the construction company building Wembley (and also the World Tower in Sydney) – I told him that was nothing to be proud of. Amanda and JP just sat and took the piss.
Saturday 21st October (raining!)
We had to leave the motel because it was fully booked for the next night, and we struggled to find anywhere else to stay because it was the weekend. We ended up with the hostel/back-packing option, i.e. a four bed room share, sharing facilities with one other bedroom of 2. At $30 a night, we thought we had it made, but how wrong we were!
We scuttled off to find some brunch, and promptly found ourselves reading the papers in a cute café. JP managed to entertain himself and a 4 year old by pulling faces thru the glass at each other. Well the kid’s mother must have been entertained too, as she told the little girl to hand her business card to JP – he’d pulled a yummy mummy via her child! Nice one!
We wandered to the beach via the shops, and the sun appeared briefly, enough for us to want to rush back to the room and get our swimmers on…. First we found a load of roll-up tips on the side table, and then we opened the bedroom door to find the 4th body for our room share! Oh and did I mention the smell?? JP was nearly high after just walking in and straight back out again! We decided we weren’t cut out for sharing and promptly left, giving the proprietors a shite story about needing to get to Sydney quicker and getting our money back. We hot-footed it out of there!
After driving in and out of Ballina (the next big town), which was full of churches and not much else, we ended up in Yamba – soon to become known as ‘Williesville’.
We had another fab meal in an award winning restaurant, where JP tried the roo, and we were tucked up in bed with a cuppa tea and a movie by 9.30pm! For some unknown reason I became particularly scared that night and my mind was racing. I gave myself the willies because the door didn’t have a chain/latch and the bathroom window wouldn’t close properly. It didn’t matter that the motel was next to the police station, I was convinced that even if you rang 999 the call would just be diverted to some random at his home! I just had a funny feeling about the place. ‘Manda clocked that I was scared and she ended up a scared too, so we had a fit of the giggles and woke up JP, who told us to shut up and not to be silly – great help! So I ended up sleeping with the light on, after checking and re-checking the doors and window. I finally won the fight with the bathroom window at 2am and decided that if I was gonna die that night, I may as well be asleep when it happens. As it was, we didn’t die, and I probably would have been protected by my bullet proof magnets anyway!
Sunday 22nd October (rain)
We drove on to Port Macquarie in the pouring rain. Arrived around 4.30pm, found a motel with a dodgy loo - well we thought it was dodgy, but we just weren’t flushing it right apparently! We had a giggle about how we were all gagging for some action and the thought of a ‘handyman’ (in shorts, with tool kit) coming to fix the loo was highly exciting! I was thoroughly disappointed though.
We ate Italian for dinner (when we finally found somewhere that hadn’t stopped serving food at 8.30pm!) and, once again, were tucked up in bed by 10pm watching a movie (Scary Movie 2)! JP spent most of the evening in bed complaining about how much it was costing him to text his bird. He wasn’t even convinced that they were getting through to her….brilliant. Kerching, kerching.
Monday 23rd October (sunny)
We hit a pancake place for breakfast, hunted out the Post Office and headed out of town via the Koala Hospital…. Ahhhh bless the poorly Koalas. They’re so cute. They’d all been bought in because they’d either been run over or burnt by a bushfire. They even have some permanent residents because of damaged claws, etc. Some of the stories made me cry, so after an emotional half an hour, we jumped back in the car heading for Newcastle. Newcastle was a dump – bit like Tilbury to be honest. We stopped to lie on the beach, but that only lasted for 15 minutes cos it was so bloody windy! We drove out, deciding to hit Sydney a day early, JP called his sister…..
She offered to have us stay with her for the night, as our apartment in Sydney wasn’t ready for us until Tuesday, so JP took charge and lead the navigation for getting us through Sydney to her house. This caused more amusement for Amanda and I, he’s such a faffer!! So we laughed lots and took the piss for a good 15 minutes until we found our way there.
We had a Lebanese meal in Glebe Point Road – scrummy.
Tuesday 24th October (sunny)
We arrived at the Meriton World Tower and dropped our bags of with Dan, Miho, Stu, Chris & Sarah. JP & Manda dropped the car off and then we all (minus Chris & Sarah – they were off to find alternative accommodation) took the ferry to Manly beach. It was pretty damn windy so we didn’t stay on the beach long but we did end up in a nice restaurant for lunch. So nice, we had cocktails.
We came home and checked into our 5* penthouse apartment on the 76th floor of the World Tower. OH MY GOD – the views were amazing!! After finding out that the gang were all meeting up again in Manly to see Warrick, we decided to give it a miss and just take in the views. Well actually, we (Manda & I) ran around the place gasping at the size of it, hid in the walk-in mirrored wardrobes, giggled and farted. So much fun. We had 3 king bedrooms, with JP having the ensuite with double shower, spa bath and twin sinks. It was so high that I did become a bit wobbly at the thought of it all, but we pushed the thoughts of ‘how the hell do we get out of here if a plane crashes into us’ out of our minds.
We went for sushi, then ‘Manda and I ended up in the pub over the road. It was here that we met the Aussie and Kiwi (aka Rob & Glenn). I was happily burping into my pint of Guinness when they walked in - somehow this attracted their attention, whoops. I tried my best to dissuade the long haired goateed wonder (Rob), by telling him that I hadn’t washed my hair for 6 days, lemonade made me fart and orange juice upset my stomach, but it didn’t help, I ended up in a drunken snog with him in the street at 3.30am anyway. D’oh.
Wednesday 25th October (cloudy/rain)
Hung over. Walked to Darling Harbour and visited the Aquarium. How cool is the Aquarium?? If you ever go to Sydney, you must go, it’s so good. We saw fish, turtles, crocagators, sharks, and all sorts – it’s a great day out. Even with a hangover.
What you mustn’t do is go for a massage – Mand and I nearly died of pain after having a 20 min Thai neck and shoulder massage. I have never been handled so hard in my life! My neck was in agony for a good 3 days after having it done, and I don’t think it relaxed me at all, in fact, I felt positively sick during it.
That night we ate delish seafood (bought at the fish market) courtesy of the McCarthy’s in their apartment, and I got ribbed about the previous night’s escapades for most of the evening. JP, Manda & Stu headed out on the booze til 3.30am.
Thursday 26th October (cloudy, 17°)
Zoo. Met up with Murray, Lieghann, Felicity, Chris, Dan, Miho & Stu for the Zoo. Stu had teased us with the promise of Koala holding but we were highly disappointed to find that the Koala hugging wasn’t on offer. Boo. It was bloody freezing, so we headed back to the Rocks to meet Eliot & Aimee (who’d just arrived) for some drinks. They were both hammered by the time we got there.
We ate in Doyles (fish restaurant) over looking the bridge and opera house for dinner – great food. Highly recommended. Eliot had to force himself not to shout in an Aussie accent for most of the night.
Friday 27th October (sun/cloud)
The Wedding. Thankfully the weather cheered up, and it was positively warm! Shame about the bloody flies though! No wonder the Aussies are portrayed wearing hats with corks, even I wanted one at this point! They’re incredibly persistent, aiming for eyes and mouth every time! Bastards. We were constantly close to causing ourselves injury by slapping our faces and swotting each other. Anyway, the wedding went without a hitch, the bride looked stunning and the groom looked pretty damn good too. The view over to Sydney Harbour from the reception was amazing, the food was great, the speeches good and the DJ…. Oh yeah, he was crap, but we gave him our own play list and that sorted that out!
After the reception we headed to the Establishment for a further drink, where I accidentally bumped into the Aussie I snogged. Well I say I ‘bumped into’ him, I actually saw him, and avoided eye contact! He blatantly saw me, as I missed a call and a text from him – whoops! Oh well. Anyway, Chris and Sarah had a row, Dan & Miho went home, so that left me, Stu, El & Aimee to find somewhere else to go, but they were even queuing to get into our local pub – it was Friday night after all! In the end, Stu and I ended up drinking vanilla vodkas back at room 7603, with Amanda and JP. Unfortunately Amanda was drowning her sorrows cos some scumbag had stolen her credit card details and tried to spend £7K on it!
Saturday 28th October (sun/cloud)
Went to a cool place where you pick your own meat and cook it yourself on a great big BBQ. Lots of people from the wedding congregated and cooked their grub. After this we went to the Rocks weekend market, all very nice and crafty, but bloody cold!!! Thought we were gonna see the boys for dinner that night, but it seems that it got arranged without us – I wasn’t impressed. Hurt, was how I felt. So I had the hump and we had a wander round Darling Harbour before heading home.
Sunday 29th October (cloudy)
We were due to pick up the car and head to Melbourne, but after careful consideration and internet research we decided against it, as the weather was proving to be even more poo down there. We got an extension for 3 more nights in the luxury pad and planned to pick up the car on Wednesday instead. Dan, Miho and Stu checked out of their apartment, and came grovelling with the contents of their cupboards, fridge and freezer.
Mand and I headed to Paddy’s Market for some shopping – it’s very close to China town, so I had to refrain from saying ‘mental oriental’ out loud! We then went to the Opera House, but the sun came out, so we sunbathed on the concrete ledge for a bit, had lunch in the Opera Bar, with a band playing and the sun shining, bliss. They did the best fish and chips ever! Did some more sunbathing on the ledge, then headed to JP’s sisters for dinner.
Did I mention that I have been re-named George? Manda found the boys saying ‘George Grindian’ (Indian) hysterical, so changed my name.
Did I also mention that the Sydney cab drivers are RUBBISH? They obviously don’t need to pass the ‘knowledge’ for their job, as they know no-where!! And they all have the strangest accents – one minute they sound Greek/Egyptian/Chinese (whatever accent from where they originated), then the next minute they have the pure Aussie twang. Weird.
AND, JP’s impromptu decision at HK airport to buy a new camera, was dampened by the fact that he deleted 84 pics from it when he accidentally reformatted the memory card – Derrrrrr!
Monday 30th October (sun & clouds)
We decided to do something touristy, so we did the Sydney bus tour. Great, except we’d actually already seen most of the sights on the trip during the previous week. Of course the other bummer was that when we got off at the famous Pie place, I realised that I’d lost my ticket, so I couldn’t get back on the bus! Whoops. Anyhow, ‘Mand and I went and did the Opera House tour, and JP went off to the Barracks. Before the OH tour there was an entertaining moment with a fat woman and her butt munching shorts – see Amanda’s pics. The Opera House tour was made far more interesting by the woman who was leading it. She was obviously a wanna be actress – VERY theatrical. And she had a hole in her trousers.
We went to China Town for dinner – great food, so much so that JP couldn’t stop eating. And we met up with the Aussie and Kiwi for drinks afterwards. Rob talked him way into coming back to see the view from the apartment. Well he saw the view and we had a few more snogs…. But I kicked him out before it got too late (or went too far!), after all, I didn’t fancy him.
Tuesday 31st October (sunny)
Got up late. Hung over. Phoned Quantas and changed the flight so that we flew home from Sydney rather than Melbourne - the weather was still poo down there.
We hit Manly beach for the day, JP left early to go to his sisters, and Mand & I had dinner in the Bavarian Beer Bar, with mandarin absolut, soda and crushed limes….hmmmm. I arranged to see the Aussie at around 9pm, but unfortunately Mand & I both fell asleep – whoops. We ended up meeting around 10ish, in the VBar, then we went to a really dodgy pool bar (where Rob & I whipped Mand & Glenn’s butts at pool, 3-0!). I still wasn’t overly convinced that I liked the Aussie THAT much, but he stayed and ‘tucked me in’ anyway…
Wednesday 1st November (sunny)
We checked out of the lush penthouse suite, and checked into the homely pad of Lesley & Ian – the roof terrace is to die for. Great views of the city skyline and a fab suntrap! (Oh but I left my mobile phone at the apartment so had to go back for it – my mind must have been on other things!) We sat on the roof terrace for the best part of the day (apart from when I went to have a nap), until the builders arrived to re-seal it. Mand and I ended up vegging watching tv, and giggling like naughty school girls while she farted on the white leather sofas, causing major reverberations!
We had dinner for £3.40 each in an Indian on Glebe Point Road – great food and great value for money! Oh and I got the piss taken out of me for my shag-fest for most of the day!
Thursday 2nd November (sunny!)
Coogee Beach. Us girlies went for the last day full on burn! And we achieved it with flying colours! Mostly red, and mostly Amanda! I burnt my shins but that was nothing compared to Mand’s burnt front!
We treated Lesley and Ian to dinner at the Boathouse – all rather swanky, and that was it, the end of the holiday :-(
Friday 3rd November (raining – reflecting my mood)
I spend most of the day sulking and saying ‘ I don’t wanna go home’, much to everyone’s annoyance. We shopped before heading to the airport – shoes were to be bought.
We checked-in, and following on with JP’s luck in the airport, the poor check-in lady (Syd Dec) broke 3 other check-in desks trying to print of his boarding card, and he got seated on his own for the flight. Mand and I somehow ended up with emergency exit seats!!
Oh how I wish I was still in Oz!
Pics can be found here
Friday 13th October
JP nearly got bumped off the flight to Hong Kong! (We were soon to learn that JP isn’t lucky when it comes to checking in, security and quarantine!) We checked in mega-early, so much so that they weren’t ready to take the luggage for our flight, so we must have been one of the first there. Manda & I had booked together and pre-booked our seats, but JP hadn’t. He was told that he couldn’t be allocated a seat, let alone have one next to us, because the flight was over booked! We found this highly unreasonable, seeing as we were the first there, but we kept our cool and gently persuaded the check-in woman that JP would be travelling with us then to HK rather than the day after! Phew - he had a seat, but not with us.
We settled down and had dinner in 'Est Est Est', courtesy of Uncle Mick, which in itself was great, but made even better by the fact that the waiter gave us the wrong bill and we paid £13 less than we should have! The laughter started here, with discussions on what we’d like to do on our trip. There were shouts of ‘I wanna go to Perth!’ (Manda) ‘I wanna see Penguins!’ (Nix), ‘I’ve got a Kit-Kat in my bag…’ (JP).
By 9.50pm JP had made 4 calls to Anne (his newly promoted 'girlfriend') – we thought this was a show of things to come, but we were wrong, the pay-as you-go texts and phone calls were soon to become the bane of his life!
‘Manda missed out on a man with his pants out, tucking himself in at the Currency Exchange desk – it was shocking.
When we boarded the flight (after thinking we had hours to play with), we found that JP’s seat had been changed so he was next to us – shame he missed out on the emergency exit seat that he’d previously been allocated!! It didn’t matter too much though, as he’d already fallen asleep by the time we hit the runway to take off!
Saturday 14th October
Congratulations to Amanda who made the flight to HK with minimal disruption to other passengers. (Thank god for the valium!)
On arrival to HK we jumped on the Airport Express train to Central station and picked up a cab to my cousin Clare’s house in Redhill Peninsula (Tai Tam). After telling the taxi driver where we needed to go, we attempted to settle back and take in the sights of HK by night, but an interesting conversation followed…..
Taxi driver to JP: Taiwan?
JP: Er no mate, we’re from England.
Taxi driver: (more incomprehendable chatter including)…Taiwan?.... Aberdeen?
JP (now ultimately confused): No, we’re from London, England…
Silence…. Confusion (do we look like we’re from Taiwan??)….. my brain was ticking…. And slowly it became clear…..
NH: Oh, do we want to go through the Aberdeen tunnel to get to Redhill??? Yes! Yes, please!!
Very funny. Probably had to be there to appreciate it, but hey, this blog will be full of incidents like that! Anyway, it was day later when we found that he wasn’t even asking about Taiwan, he was asking if we wanted to go via ‘Chi Wan’ (or thru the tunnel)!! Derrr!
We arrived at the Browne’s residence (very nice btw – 4 bed, 3 storey place, over looking the bay), promptly dumped our bags and headed out to Stanley for a great meal with Clare, Colin, Vicky and Jake. (Thanks very much again for that Colin).
Sunday 15th October (cloudy & hazy, 28°)
All slept like logs and ‘Manda woke at 7am on the dot! Tut!
We jumped in a cab with the intention to going up the Peak, but with the haze so bad we decided to head to the Star ferry and cross to Kowloon for the Jade market, a wander through the streets, another market and then lunch in the Peninsula Hotel (swanky!) We jumped back on the ferry to Central and headed for the Lan Kwai Fong street carnival and the pub. It was around 3.30pm, I’d had an attack of the ‘sways’ (swaying floors, buildings, any general surroundings – later found to be part of ‘jet-lag), Manda felt sick and we were all desperately flagging and in need of a doze…. So we had a pint! Warrick, Ashley, Mat, Mandy and baby Madeline came and met us in the pub, closely followed by El. 2 drinks later, JP and I slightly pissed – whoops. We all jumped back on the star ferry to see the Central illuminations. Dinner in a Vietnamese restaurant ‘Nha Trang’ – delicious. Home and tucked up in bed by 11. JP fell asleep on the 5 minute ferry trip, and in the cab home but we failed to catch him in any pictures because ‘Mand and I erupted in giggles every time she reached for the camera.
Monday 16th October (sunny am, hazy pm)
Hit the Peak. Went up in the tram, had lunch in Café Deco with amazing views over Hong Kong harbour. Jumped in a cab to take us back to Stanley for the market, only for us to be driven 10 meters before the cab stopped, the driver jumped out, apologising profusely because he needed the loo and that it was always tricky finding enough time or suitable places to stop! After starting off again, he stopped at the lights and jumped out again!! This time he was tucking in some dodgy wires around ‘Manda’s door – it was then we noticed that this man obviously rushed around doing everything in his life at 100mph, as he’d put his top on inside out as well. More giggling ensued. We were also to find that this man loved to sing and liked Tom Jones and ‘Lobbie Lilliams’!
It’s probably also a good time to note that JP had picked up the local language (OK, I mean accent) and spent most of his time imitating the Chinese, much to mine and ‘Manda’s amusement but it also made us quite scared, especially when we were confined to the small space on the plane amongst a load of them!
We skipped Stanley market and opted for snooze, dinner and shower before we headed to the airport for the over night flight to Brisbane. Amanda took a valium before boarding and then one on the plane. Unfortunately having 2 pills close together gave her a ‘speed’ effect and caused her to become a giggling nightmare – we were surprised she didn’t get kicked off the flight.
Tuesday 17th October (cloudy)
We watched the ‘Lake House’ on the plane and blubbed – it’s a good movie. I don’t think any of us had much sleep.
On arrival at Brisbane airport JP was questioned on his intentions in Oz and why he wanted to go to Fraser Island - ‘Manda and I got away with no questioning whatsoever, surprise! We were also greeted with lots of cute Beagles, otherwise known as ‘Sniff & Sit’ dogs. Basically they’re the quarantine police for food, if they think (by sniffing your bags) you’re bringing food into the country they sit next to your bag and their owner promptly questions you and searches your stuff. They were SOOOO cute. Mand and I both want a ‘Sit and Sniff’ dog now and may even call them ‘Sniff’ (Amanda’s) and ‘Sit’ (mine) but we figured that may get a little confusing for them, so we’ll have to rethink that. Anyway, JP and ‘Manda got pulled aside and searched after declaring on their forms that they hadn’t bought any food into the country. After being questioned by the guy on whether they’d packed the bags themselves and whether they knew EXACTLY what was in them, JP just stood silent – he didn’t have a clue that he had peanuts, cereal bars, etc. in his!! Oh well, as least they didn’t get arrested!
We picked up a huge Toyota Camry (that’s a car btw) and set off for Hervey Bay, with me berating myself for the whole journey because I forgot my driving licence! What a pleb. After 4 and a bit hours we rocked up in Hervey Bay and found ourselves in the Lisianna Apartments. V. basic, v.dated but v. cheap, with 2 bedrooms and clean, just what we needed at $85 (approx £40) a night! We had dinner in the local pub (they had a quiz on but we didn’t dare enter and show the locals up) and were promptly in bed by 10pm! Oh yes, and JP got pissed on 2 pints, classic!
Wednesday 18th October (sun & clouds am, sunny pm)
We slept like babies, except JP who claimed he didn’t have jetlag but woke at 2.30am and couldn’t get back to sleep! Derrrrr! We were up and out by 9am off to do whale watching. It was a great day on the boat with the whales putting on a fab display. We saw a couple of mums and calves, dolphins and even a shark.
We had a delish dinner in the Marina, and I managed to spill a whole glass of water in Amanda’s lap. It was OK though, we discovered her trousers were waterproof!
‘Flash Harry’s neon coloured butt bucket’ - The things they advertise on TV!?!? Caused a good old giggle though!
Thursday 19th October (sunny! But on a coach most of the day!)
Up and out early for a day trip to Fraser Island (the biggest natural sand island in the world). Our group of 40 hit Fraser Island via a ferry and were transferred to a massive 4 wheel drive coach. It was pretty damn cool. The highlights of my day were the trip in an 8-seater plane over the island (and the pilot!) - I sat up front, the amazing lakes and the fact that Angry Anderson (you know, the guy that sang ‘Suddenly’ for Scott & Charlene’s wedding) was in the group!! I’m easily pleased, I know… Surprisingly enough JP managed to fall asleep on the bumpiest coach ride through the sandy rainforest but we didn’t manage to get a pic cos we couldn’t hold the camera still!
I finally washed my hair after 6 days (I became known as the soap dodger cos I’d also forgotten to brush me teeth on one occasion – highly unfair!), and we headed to the ‘Black Dog’ for dinner – sushi, yum!! We had a fit of laughter on return home, as we spotted that the sign for the apartments read ‘easy access up rear stairs’ – we had JP lean over and block out the ‘stairs’ so we could take a pic, but he got distracted by the shrubbery that he was leaning across and stated ‘ this bush smells lovely!’ Hilarious! Little things… eh! We laughed, and laughed, nearly pee’d our pants.
Animals seen so far: Giant cricket, bats, dingos, cockroach, spiders, whales, shark, dolphins, sting-ray, turtles.
Friday 20th October (sun & cloud)
We handed the keys to Rigby’s wife and set off at 8am, headed for Byron Bay. We got distracted somewhat by a trip to see creepy Dave’s sister, but it wasn’t too much hassle and was probably only an hour added to our journey. We met her in the equivalent of a Bas-Vegas pub just outside Brisbane. ‘Manda fancied a cigarette so the 3 of us headed out the back to the very tiny secluded smoking part of the pub. There were about 15 of us squeezed outside, and it felt like it was about to kick off between the local yokels – it really was Bas-Vegas in disguise! We somehow got collared talking to a Kiwi farmer, who practised his chat-up lines on us, they were pretty bad but my memory is shite so you’ll have to see them on Amanda’s site! On departure from the smoking area, I had my ear tongued and my arse slapped – not bad for 5 minutes work! (actually, it was gross!)
We arrived in Byron Bay at around 6.30pm, found a motel and found some dinner in ‘Fresh’. This was then followed by some very strong vodka, lime and sodas in a pub/bar with a live band. And of course, I got chatted up by another freak who works for the construction company building Wembley (and also the World Tower in Sydney) – I told him that was nothing to be proud of. Amanda and JP just sat and took the piss.
Saturday 21st October (raining!)
We had to leave the motel because it was fully booked for the next night, and we struggled to find anywhere else to stay because it was the weekend. We ended up with the hostel/back-packing option, i.e. a four bed room share, sharing facilities with one other bedroom of 2. At $30 a night, we thought we had it made, but how wrong we were!
We scuttled off to find some brunch, and promptly found ourselves reading the papers in a cute café. JP managed to entertain himself and a 4 year old by pulling faces thru the glass at each other. Well the kid’s mother must have been entertained too, as she told the little girl to hand her business card to JP – he’d pulled a yummy mummy via her child! Nice one!
We wandered to the beach via the shops, and the sun appeared briefly, enough for us to want to rush back to the room and get our swimmers on…. First we found a load of roll-up tips on the side table, and then we opened the bedroom door to find the 4th body for our room share! Oh and did I mention the smell?? JP was nearly high after just walking in and straight back out again! We decided we weren’t cut out for sharing and promptly left, giving the proprietors a shite story about needing to get to Sydney quicker and getting our money back. We hot-footed it out of there!
After driving in and out of Ballina (the next big town), which was full of churches and not much else, we ended up in Yamba – soon to become known as ‘Williesville’.
We had another fab meal in an award winning restaurant, where JP tried the roo, and we were tucked up in bed with a cuppa tea and a movie by 9.30pm! For some unknown reason I became particularly scared that night and my mind was racing. I gave myself the willies because the door didn’t have a chain/latch and the bathroom window wouldn’t close properly. It didn’t matter that the motel was next to the police station, I was convinced that even if you rang 999 the call would just be diverted to some random at his home! I just had a funny feeling about the place. ‘Manda clocked that I was scared and she ended up a scared too, so we had a fit of the giggles and woke up JP, who told us to shut up and not to be silly – great help! So I ended up sleeping with the light on, after checking and re-checking the doors and window. I finally won the fight with the bathroom window at 2am and decided that if I was gonna die that night, I may as well be asleep when it happens. As it was, we didn’t die, and I probably would have been protected by my bullet proof magnets anyway!
Sunday 22nd October (rain)
We drove on to Port Macquarie in the pouring rain. Arrived around 4.30pm, found a motel with a dodgy loo - well we thought it was dodgy, but we just weren’t flushing it right apparently! We had a giggle about how we were all gagging for some action and the thought of a ‘handyman’ (in shorts, with tool kit) coming to fix the loo was highly exciting! I was thoroughly disappointed though.
We ate Italian for dinner (when we finally found somewhere that hadn’t stopped serving food at 8.30pm!) and, once again, were tucked up in bed by 10pm watching a movie (Scary Movie 2)! JP spent most of the evening in bed complaining about how much it was costing him to text his bird. He wasn’t even convinced that they were getting through to her….brilliant. Kerching, kerching.
Monday 23rd October (sunny)
We hit a pancake place for breakfast, hunted out the Post Office and headed out of town via the Koala Hospital…. Ahhhh bless the poorly Koalas. They’re so cute. They’d all been bought in because they’d either been run over or burnt by a bushfire. They even have some permanent residents because of damaged claws, etc. Some of the stories made me cry, so after an emotional half an hour, we jumped back in the car heading for Newcastle. Newcastle was a dump – bit like Tilbury to be honest. We stopped to lie on the beach, but that only lasted for 15 minutes cos it was so bloody windy! We drove out, deciding to hit Sydney a day early, JP called his sister…..
She offered to have us stay with her for the night, as our apartment in Sydney wasn’t ready for us until Tuesday, so JP took charge and lead the navigation for getting us through Sydney to her house. This caused more amusement for Amanda and I, he’s such a faffer!! So we laughed lots and took the piss for a good 15 minutes until we found our way there.
We had a Lebanese meal in Glebe Point Road – scrummy.
Tuesday 24th October (sunny)
We arrived at the Meriton World Tower and dropped our bags of with Dan, Miho, Stu, Chris & Sarah. JP & Manda dropped the car off and then we all (minus Chris & Sarah – they were off to find alternative accommodation) took the ferry to Manly beach. It was pretty damn windy so we didn’t stay on the beach long but we did end up in a nice restaurant for lunch. So nice, we had cocktails.
We came home and checked into our 5* penthouse apartment on the 76th floor of the World Tower. OH MY GOD – the views were amazing!! After finding out that the gang were all meeting up again in Manly to see Warrick, we decided to give it a miss and just take in the views. Well actually, we (Manda & I) ran around the place gasping at the size of it, hid in the walk-in mirrored wardrobes, giggled and farted. So much fun. We had 3 king bedrooms, with JP having the ensuite with double shower, spa bath and twin sinks. It was so high that I did become a bit wobbly at the thought of it all, but we pushed the thoughts of ‘how the hell do we get out of here if a plane crashes into us’ out of our minds.
We went for sushi, then ‘Manda and I ended up in the pub over the road. It was here that we met the Aussie and Kiwi (aka Rob & Glenn). I was happily burping into my pint of Guinness when they walked in - somehow this attracted their attention, whoops. I tried my best to dissuade the long haired goateed wonder (Rob), by telling him that I hadn’t washed my hair for 6 days, lemonade made me fart and orange juice upset my stomach, but it didn’t help, I ended up in a drunken snog with him in the street at 3.30am anyway. D’oh.
Wednesday 25th October (cloudy/rain)
Hung over. Walked to Darling Harbour and visited the Aquarium. How cool is the Aquarium?? If you ever go to Sydney, you must go, it’s so good. We saw fish, turtles, crocagators, sharks, and all sorts – it’s a great day out. Even with a hangover.
What you mustn’t do is go for a massage – Mand and I nearly died of pain after having a 20 min Thai neck and shoulder massage. I have never been handled so hard in my life! My neck was in agony for a good 3 days after having it done, and I don’t think it relaxed me at all, in fact, I felt positively sick during it.
That night we ate delish seafood (bought at the fish market) courtesy of the McCarthy’s in their apartment, and I got ribbed about the previous night’s escapades for most of the evening. JP, Manda & Stu headed out on the booze til 3.30am.
Thursday 26th October (cloudy, 17°)
Zoo. Met up with Murray, Lieghann, Felicity, Chris, Dan, Miho & Stu for the Zoo. Stu had teased us with the promise of Koala holding but we were highly disappointed to find that the Koala hugging wasn’t on offer. Boo. It was bloody freezing, so we headed back to the Rocks to meet Eliot & Aimee (who’d just arrived) for some drinks. They were both hammered by the time we got there.
We ate in Doyles (fish restaurant) over looking the bridge and opera house for dinner – great food. Highly recommended. Eliot had to force himself not to shout in an Aussie accent for most of the night.
Friday 27th October (sun/cloud)
The Wedding. Thankfully the weather cheered up, and it was positively warm! Shame about the bloody flies though! No wonder the Aussies are portrayed wearing hats with corks, even I wanted one at this point! They’re incredibly persistent, aiming for eyes and mouth every time! Bastards. We were constantly close to causing ourselves injury by slapping our faces and swotting each other. Anyway, the wedding went without a hitch, the bride looked stunning and the groom looked pretty damn good too. The view over to Sydney Harbour from the reception was amazing, the food was great, the speeches good and the DJ…. Oh yeah, he was crap, but we gave him our own play list and that sorted that out!
After the reception we headed to the Establishment for a further drink, where I accidentally bumped into the Aussie I snogged. Well I say I ‘bumped into’ him, I actually saw him, and avoided eye contact! He blatantly saw me, as I missed a call and a text from him – whoops! Oh well. Anyway, Chris and Sarah had a row, Dan & Miho went home, so that left me, Stu, El & Aimee to find somewhere else to go, but they were even queuing to get into our local pub – it was Friday night after all! In the end, Stu and I ended up drinking vanilla vodkas back at room 7603, with Amanda and JP. Unfortunately Amanda was drowning her sorrows cos some scumbag had stolen her credit card details and tried to spend £7K on it!
Saturday 28th October (sun/cloud)
Went to a cool place where you pick your own meat and cook it yourself on a great big BBQ. Lots of people from the wedding congregated and cooked their grub. After this we went to the Rocks weekend market, all very nice and crafty, but bloody cold!!! Thought we were gonna see the boys for dinner that night, but it seems that it got arranged without us – I wasn’t impressed. Hurt, was how I felt. So I had the hump and we had a wander round Darling Harbour before heading home.
Sunday 29th October (cloudy)
We were due to pick up the car and head to Melbourne, but after careful consideration and internet research we decided against it, as the weather was proving to be even more poo down there. We got an extension for 3 more nights in the luxury pad and planned to pick up the car on Wednesday instead. Dan, Miho and Stu checked out of their apartment, and came grovelling with the contents of their cupboards, fridge and freezer.
Mand and I headed to Paddy’s Market for some shopping – it’s very close to China town, so I had to refrain from saying ‘mental oriental’ out loud! We then went to the Opera House, but the sun came out, so we sunbathed on the concrete ledge for a bit, had lunch in the Opera Bar, with a band playing and the sun shining, bliss. They did the best fish and chips ever! Did some more sunbathing on the ledge, then headed to JP’s sisters for dinner.
Did I mention that I have been re-named George? Manda found the boys saying ‘George Grindian’ (Indian) hysterical, so changed my name.
Did I also mention that the Sydney cab drivers are RUBBISH? They obviously don’t need to pass the ‘knowledge’ for their job, as they know no-where!! And they all have the strangest accents – one minute they sound Greek/Egyptian/Chinese (whatever accent from where they originated), then the next minute they have the pure Aussie twang. Weird.
AND, JP’s impromptu decision at HK airport to buy a new camera, was dampened by the fact that he deleted 84 pics from it when he accidentally reformatted the memory card – Derrrrrr!
Monday 30th October (sun & clouds)
We decided to do something touristy, so we did the Sydney bus tour. Great, except we’d actually already seen most of the sights on the trip during the previous week. Of course the other bummer was that when we got off at the famous Pie place, I realised that I’d lost my ticket, so I couldn’t get back on the bus! Whoops. Anyhow, ‘Mand and I went and did the Opera House tour, and JP went off to the Barracks. Before the OH tour there was an entertaining moment with a fat woman and her butt munching shorts – see Amanda’s pics. The Opera House tour was made far more interesting by the woman who was leading it. She was obviously a wanna be actress – VERY theatrical. And she had a hole in her trousers.
We went to China Town for dinner – great food, so much so that JP couldn’t stop eating. And we met up with the Aussie and Kiwi for drinks afterwards. Rob talked him way into coming back to see the view from the apartment. Well he saw the view and we had a few more snogs…. But I kicked him out before it got too late (or went too far!), after all, I didn’t fancy him.
Tuesday 31st October (sunny)
Got up late. Hung over. Phoned Quantas and changed the flight so that we flew home from Sydney rather than Melbourne - the weather was still poo down there.
We hit Manly beach for the day, JP left early to go to his sisters, and Mand & I had dinner in the Bavarian Beer Bar, with mandarin absolut, soda and crushed limes….hmmmm. I arranged to see the Aussie at around 9pm, but unfortunately Mand & I both fell asleep – whoops. We ended up meeting around 10ish, in the VBar, then we went to a really dodgy pool bar (where Rob & I whipped Mand & Glenn’s butts at pool, 3-0!). I still wasn’t overly convinced that I liked the Aussie THAT much, but he stayed and ‘tucked me in’ anyway…
Wednesday 1st November (sunny)
We checked out of the lush penthouse suite, and checked into the homely pad of Lesley & Ian – the roof terrace is to die for. Great views of the city skyline and a fab suntrap! (Oh but I left my mobile phone at the apartment so had to go back for it – my mind must have been on other things!) We sat on the roof terrace for the best part of the day (apart from when I went to have a nap), until the builders arrived to re-seal it. Mand and I ended up vegging watching tv, and giggling like naughty school girls while she farted on the white leather sofas, causing major reverberations!
We had dinner for £3.40 each in an Indian on Glebe Point Road – great food and great value for money! Oh and I got the piss taken out of me for my shag-fest for most of the day!
Thursday 2nd November (sunny!)
Coogee Beach. Us girlies went for the last day full on burn! And we achieved it with flying colours! Mostly red, and mostly Amanda! I burnt my shins but that was nothing compared to Mand’s burnt front!
We treated Lesley and Ian to dinner at the Boathouse – all rather swanky, and that was it, the end of the holiday :-(
Friday 3rd November (raining – reflecting my mood)
I spend most of the day sulking and saying ‘ I don’t wanna go home’, much to everyone’s annoyance. We shopped before heading to the airport – shoes were to be bought.
We checked-in, and following on with JP’s luck in the airport, the poor check-in lady (Syd Dec) broke 3 other check-in desks trying to print of his boarding card, and he got seated on his own for the flight. Mand and I somehow ended up with emergency exit seats!!
Oh how I wish I was still in Oz!
Pics can be found here
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